dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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