he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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