Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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