i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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