I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
