Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
This girl is more easily done than said...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
