Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
