I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
