Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
