either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Swine flu. Run for my life!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
