mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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