just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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