I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
