Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize