New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
