Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
