Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
