I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
