Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
