just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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