My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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