Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
