evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
