Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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