ya dads aren't the best wingmen
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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