you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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