were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
