Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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