he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize