i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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