Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
