the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
