peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
there's paper in my vomit.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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