I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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