11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
