why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
