apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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