I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
