I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
