Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
