Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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