make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
