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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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