Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
