If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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