i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
