Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
