Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
