The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
im having a threesome with these popsicles
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
