My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
