grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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