I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I need to align my fucking chakras
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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