So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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