she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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