Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
