Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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