You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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