There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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