Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
