so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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