the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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