New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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