2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hippo gnu deer
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
