my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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