There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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