nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
