Me. At least after what I've been through.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
