I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
