"it" just moved
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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