If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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