I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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