The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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